


how we're all alone

by lunalou



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Sleep Deprivation, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 15:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16328717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunalou/pseuds/lunalou
Summary: After everything that's happened, Eddie struggles to sleep.





	how we're all alone

Eddie’s shitty apartment is still just that – a shitty fucking apartment sitting in the slums of San Francisco.

Admittedly, it’s nicer than it's ever been with all the new cupboards and doors that have been put in, courtesy of the Life Foundation. They’ve even fixed the hot tap in his kitchen – it now works like it's supposed to, the water being able to reach a steady level of hot without stuttering out.

There are still small dents in the walls and his shower curtain was never put back up. He can’t be bothered to put it back up either, not when Eddie has no plans of staying here much longer.

Thanks to the Life Foundation, sitting in his bank is a _lot_ of cash. His lawyers suggest to take out shares and invest, whilst Anne tells him to buy a newer apartment, a nicer apartment, somewhere more high end and private then where he currently lives. Dan mentions that he should go on holiday which arguably seems like the most appealing idea out of the bunch, _but_.

But.

His life was shitty before everything happened and just because the Life Foundation have paid out and people have decided that they suddenly want to know his name again, that they want to hear what he has to say again, doesn’t mean that the past half of a year hasn’t been completely and utterly _shit_.

His breakup with Anne was – rough. Living on little to no money, paying rent for a shitty apartment with shittier neighbours, finding out Anne had Dan, and then Venom.

Venom.

(venom venom venom.)

Fire and water, falling and being caught, flying down the street and being yanked onto a wall. Being taunted and not having a second to himself, overheating and gagging on gone off chicken. The motion of biting someone’s head off and the odd twist of pleasure that came from it. Being absolutely terrified of heights but hesitantly being able to trust that, even if he falls, when he does fall, he’ll be caught.

Feeling _needed_ after so long of feeling _useless_ , after so long of dragging himself through every day with a mantra of _what’s the fucking point_ echoing through his head, had made him feel different. A good kind of different.

Venom had _chose_ him in the end. He’d chosen Eddie in a way that nobody ever had before.

The sound of sirens outside make him jump, the thin windows doing nothing to distort the loud blast of a police car as it speeds down a nearby road. When he looks over it's to see red and blue flashing through his blinds. The lights fade quickly and leave his room bathed in darkness, leave him lying in the dark with the memory of black cars chasing him down the street. 

He blinks, shaking off the memory. The humming of electricity rings in his ears, familiar and distracting and slowly increasing in volume, his brain finding any excuse to stay awake, to not let him drift off to sleep.

It’s been growing harder, Eddie's found, to focus during the day and fall asleep at night. His eyelids always feel heavy, brain sluggish and thoughts syrupy thick, but when he decides to lay down and rest all of his senses suddenly feel amplified, everything and anything distracting him from what he actually wants to be doing.

He’s not too sure why, but it’s frustrating and really fucking annoying. He wants to sleep, needs to sleep at this point, wants everything to just be  _normal_ , but everything around him seems so loud and vibrant. Seems so in focus. It's like he's suddenly hyper aware of things he never was before. 

Eddie shifts, trying to clear his mind like Anne had taught him to months ago. He forces his muscles to relax and breathes in deep, let's the tension drain from between his eyes, but he’s distracted from relaxing by the fact that his apartment smells different. Smells _wrong_.

Whoever had been sent to clean up the place had fixed the worst of the damage, plaster and paint leaving the whole apartment smelling like a new build. It’s nothing like the mildew scent he’s used to, nothing like the smell of beer and pasta that normally hangs in the air. There’s an underlying smell of disinfectant too, something that Eddie imagines comes from whatever chemical was used to clean the blood from his floors.

They’ve wiped away most of the evidence, done their best to erase the fact that whatever happened here _happened_ , but nothing can remove it from Eddie’s mind.

His brain seems stuck on repeat, flashes of everything that occurred haunting his days and taking over the rare dreams he has at night.

And that’s one of the worst things really, isn’t it. After all the shit he went through Eddie can’t even fucking _sleep_ normally anymore – the one thing he had, the one thing his stupid body used to allow for _hours_ , is gone. Instead, now all he can do is lie awake, twitchy and feeling the echoes of pain that his body went through.

Like tonight, he lies here awake in his bed with his nose smelling paint and plaster and _fuel_.

Blink once, twice, and his bedroom ceiling morphs into the heavy flames from the rocket as it exploded above him, bright and burning as it ate his flesh, overwhelming and dissolving and-

**Eddie.**

He takes a breath, fingers automatically curling around the cold hands that grab his wrists to stop him from yanking at his hair.

**We have you, Eddie.**

Venom shifts underneath his skin, curling closer around his ribs and squeezing. His hand, long tendrilling claws and cold skin, curls around Eddie’s own, their fingers slotting together as Venom squeezes. Eddie focuses on the feeling, focuses on the way Venom pulls his hand towards his chest and presses it down against his racing heart.

Another tendril produces from the back of his neck, a heavy weight falling over his shoulders in the imitation of a hug, as the tendril twists its way into his hair, tugging lightly on the strands. It makes Eddie release a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, body sagging down into the sheets.

 **You like this** , Venom states, voice sounding softer than usual. **This makes you feel better.**

“Yeah,” Eddie’s voice comes out rough, throat scratchy and dry. “It does.”

 **You’re a strange race.** Venom feels amused, feels protective, and Eddie feels an echo of a smile appear on his face. Having Venom here when the dark of his room gets too much, when his overactive brain can’t stop, can’t slow down, is nice. It’s so _so_ nice, especially when Eddie had thought that he’d lost the symbiote forever. **So needy for physical affection.**

“I’m not needy.” Eddie argues absently, the relief of hearing Venom’s voice making something pleasant curl in his stomach.

**We feel what you feel, stupid human.**

“Fuck off.” Eddie sighs, no real heat behind his words. “ _You’re_ the needy one, you little parasite _. Hungry, Eddie. Higher, Eddie. Too hot, Eddie._ ”

 **We are well suited** , Venom agrees, which isn’t really the point Eddie was trying to make. **Our perfect host. We are needy.**

“We’re fucking stupid.” Eddie mutters, curling further into his sheets, something pleased rippling down his spine at Venom’s words.

Venom must feel it too because the pleased feeling inside of him intensifies, both of their emotions playing off each other and melding into one.

 **We are tired** , Venom states after a few minutes of silence. Eddie can feel him searching, can feel him observing, pangs of second hand curiosity and frustration running through his body. **And we are... Sad.**

Eddie let’s his eyes flutter shut, the soothing motion of his hair being tugged lulling him into a half doze. He doesn’t have anything to say to Venom’s statement, not when he knows Venom has all of the answers and the unsaid words floating around inside of their head.

He thinks it should feel intrusive, maybe, to have somebody with him constantly, to never be alone and to always have somebody listening in on his private thoughts. He’s sharing his space with someone else constantly now, somebody who can read his emotions without Eddie even blinking, who knows everything about him as if it were their own life.

If it were anyone else, maybe it would be intrusive. Maybe it would be unpleasant and too much, intense and controlling, but with Venom it’s _different_.

Venom is different.

Eddie has always been different himself, too invested and too volatile, always skirting on the edge of never being enough and being too much at the same time.

Venom makes him feel wanted. He makes Eddie feel _needed_.

They both need each other to survive which, admittedly, is probably an unhealthy level of co-dependency to have with the alien lifeform living inside of you. It doesn’t make the words any less true though.

He knows that he couldn’t live without Venom, not after everything they’ve been through. He remembers the first few days after it happened- can’t forget about the first few days after, even.

They’d dragged him from the freezing water and it had been so _quiet_ in his head, in his body. His skin was bruised and he’d been in pain, but it was nothing in comparison to the hollow feeling inside of his chest.

To know that after everything Venom had chosen earth, had chosen to kill his own kind, had chosen _Eddie_ over everything else—

To know that he’d finally found somebody willing to deal with him after all this time, all the broken and fractured parts himself being accepted, being wanted. To know that after months of questioning why he was even bothering with life anymore, of being told countless of _you look like shit’_ s, and of spending money he didn’t have on booze he didn’t really want—

Eddie had finally of found a future. He’d found a _purpose_.

After so long spent drifting, alone and worthless, it had been so relieving, so indescribably gratifying to find something to do with his life. And then, to be dragged from the freezing water, shaking and blue lipped and _alone_ \- it had felt worse than Anne leaving him, in some ways.

Venom had sacrificed himself for Eddie out of nothing but pure love, out of pure acceptance and appreciation for who Eddie was, for where he came from. For who they could’ve been.

He never managed to stop shaking, even after he’d warmed up and had been checked over by the medical staff. Anne had fretted more at this and even one of the police officers he’d spoken to had seemed concerned. Eddie didn't have enough words to explain just how he had felt in that second so he had kept quiet.

There are no words in the universe, Eddie thinks, to explain what Venom had given him, what the Life Foundation had taken from him. What Venom had stolen from him as he burnt up in the flames of the explosion.

It had taken four days for Eddie to realise the nausea he’d been feeling was something else. It had taken four very long, very painful days to realise that the cold Dan had thought he’d caught from the water had been more than a normal fever, more than just aching muscles and anxiety.

Small and barely there, hurt and desperate, had been Venom clawing at his mind, gnawing at his body.

It’s been a few weeks since then and Venom is more himself than ever before, presence large and hulking and so so demanding. So _strong_. Eddie has never been more thankful.

Still, though, he can’t help but remember the heat, the sudden coldness, the _emptiness_.

 **We’re okay,** Venom reassures, long fingers and larger palm engulfing Eddie’s own. **We are safe now, Eddie.**

“I know,” Eddie breathes, more asleep than not at this point. “Just. Mind won’t shut up.”

Venom hums in agreement, a tendril curling onto his temple and idly massaging. **You are very... Alive.**

Eddie snorts, pulling their joint hands to his face and pressing his forehead against them. “D’no if that’s the right word for it, bud.”

 **Alive** , Venom insists. **Loud** , a slight pressure in his head. **Annoying.**

“So charming.”

 **Stupid human,** Venom tuts. **My stupid host.**

“My stupid parasite.” Eddie murmurs, slow and soft in the darkness of his room.

 **Yours,** Venom agrees. **Mine. Us.**

 _Us_ , Eddie thinks affectionately. The words make the rest of the tension drain from his body, fingers twitching around Venom’s as his eyelids grow heavier, brain becoming fuzzy.

 **We will try to keep the bad out of your dreams** , Venom soothes, still playing with his hair. **You are safe. We have you, Eddie.**

It’s not enough, really, in the long run.

Eddie knows it’s Venom who’s slowly pushing him out of his mind, who’s pressing in on the right part of his consciousness to make Eddie lose his grip on the world.

He can’t rely on Venom to help forever, he knows.

 **You can** , Venom snipes, presence more demanding and the world blurring as he falls into a deep, forced sleep. **We will always help you.**

The words offer not hint of falsity, no hint of regret, and in that moment Eddie believes that Venom honestly would help him sleep every night if he were to let him do so.

It’s not something he wants to grow to rely upon, though. Not something he wants to depend on Venom for. He wants to get _better_ , wants to be able to fall asleep and stop flinching at shadows.

For now, though, he let's Venom, soft and gentle in the darkness of his room, pet his hair and hold his hand as he's forced into a deep sleep, the feeling of the symbiotes protectiveness flowing through him.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> aka, another case of me writing what I want to read. 
> 
> ty for reading   
>  
> 
> title from fobs song w.a.m.s
> 
> unbeta'd xo


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